DIFFERENT
One of my favorite university courses was Personality.
My professor began by having us define psychology, so that we could in turn define personality.
In simplest terms, psychology is the scientific study of the human mind and its functions.
While personality can take on many definitive facets, let’s stick with individual differences. Simply, this is the observation that people differ in a variety of ways (Allen, 2000).
This isn’t a staggering breakthrough for anyone reading this, but an important point to make nonetheless. We are all different. We all experience differently. We can assume that we can relate to others through our experiences, but we cannot assume that someone has interpreted the same external stimuli in the same way.
Everyday interactions that may seem to be moot or non-confrontational can have varying effects on each participant. Our ego kicks in to start the justification process, or help ourselves unpack the information so that we can feel as positively as we can about what happened.
For example, if an exchange became intense at work, an individual’s ego might work to put certain conditions on the situation or the other person involved. Maybe you didn’t get along with them in the first place, or you have had success performing this task previously so you feel confident that a different outcome will be the next result.
It’s important to be aware of this going into a conversation, and also leaving it. While things may have gone smoothly for you, and you might have accomplished your goal of what you wanted to get out of it, it could be very different for the other person involved.
Over the years, I have often used “The Sandwich Method” for delivering constructive or negative news. Start with something positive, slide in the negative, and then finish with something positive as well. For me, this has been effective, but obviously can give the wrong message as well. Most people hear what they want to hear, and may not be able to weave through the information to get what you originally wanted to share.
I have become very direct. Especially as a coach. But it is also because of how I like to deal with problems. I want to get to things; immediately and head on! Most people are not like this. When delivering constructive information, I always like to have someone else with me, and I always like to revisit the situation after a few days. This can relieve misinterpretation.
More importantly, developing a direct and meaningful relationship, with employees or in relationships can ease the tension of a single event. Being upfront and direct with expectations, and with what you are looking for takes away the gray area for all parties involved. It can give you the confidence to feel that the conversation was beneficial for all parties involved.
An informed conversationalist. Another way to define a Daring Optimist.
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MS
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